Friends’ dynamics

The people who are like you, who understand your quirkiness and laugh with you, those who feel free to whack you in the head, and laugh at your silliness are all friends. There are some people with whom you can share your deepest secrets with, without fear of being judged, having totally accepted you for what you are. Don’t we all love them?

Yeah, it is so wonderful to have some time to hang out with friends and share gossip and just be available for each other. It might not even be that there will be a lot to talk; it could just be shopping for stuff or even just plain wanting silent company. Friends are the first people who come to mind when you think of all that.

Haven’t we all needed a shoulder to cry on some time or the other? Haven’t we felt that nobody except our friends can relate to us? Having heart breaks, or issues with parents and elders, or just the next door neighbor, makes one feel so blue. And just a friendly chit chat perks things up considerably.

But well, for the sake of this post, I will categorize my friends (ugh! sorry!). I have mainly 2 categories of friends: married/committed and unmarried/non-committed. And being in the second category not so long ago, I am observing changing patterns in friendships around me. Marriage or being in any sort of committed relationship leaves little space for other people. There is a sort of a huge shift in purpose of and approach towards things, people and feelings. And definitely the change leaves a lot of gap between friends (sometimes temporarily or even permanently!).

I have been lucky enough to keep myself socially active (I think) despite hardly having any time, to know what a few friends of the other category feel. Somehow, the issues of being married/committed seem to take on a life of their own. And from the latter's point of view, it leaves no room for anything or anyone with the former. “I feel like an outcast” is the most common feeling.

My married/committed friends (including myself) hardly have time from their domestic/personal/work/etc things to even carry on a general conversation lasting a few minutes, which does not involve the aforesaid things. This obviously is frustrating for someone who has been with them throughout till their new changing relations, and obviously feels left out.

An example of such a conversation is:
“Well, how about meeting this Saturday for coffee? I have to tell you about this course I am taking...”

“Really? That’s interesting. Let me ask him/her (partner) what plans he/she has on Saturday. I will call you...”
(And its all the more difficult if the friend is of the opposite sex!)

This is the changing dynamics in friendships. It exists and it hurts. But sometimes, friendships have endured worse phases than these and revived upon just an emotional phone call!

Myself, I live in my head (as do most others as I know!). I have imaginary conversations and situations and get worked up over trivial things or sometimes even nothing. I feel foolish after that. Call it pessimism or paranoia, but there are a few good friends who will indulge my doubts just for my sake, but also get bossy and strict, when I am overbearing. It really just takes a phone call to feel a sense of 'belongingness'. I love them. It is funny how friendship can breed loyalty. And I am so glad to have the friends in my life that I have.