Trapped within

We are thinking beings. We have so much on our minds. And the mind is always restless. It is so common to find ourselves conversing with ourselves many times a day. This happens without our knowledge sometimes. Sometimes we consciously wonder aloud. This is what happens to all of us normally, each day, every day.

But what happens when you slightly deviate from "normal"? Is it not possible that the mind may start playing tricks on you? And you start to believe something that does not exist...

I have always been proud of being 'as healthy as an ox'. I have never known or seen what an illness or "perception" of illness can do to an individual, simply because I have not come across many such individuals. Of course I have been ill myself. And once or twice, seriously ill. But what is considered normal is to bounce back after the episode.

In recent times, I have made a good friend. She is otherwise quite active and healthy. She keeps herself busy mostly. But small things always upset her, especially about her health, like a boil on the hand, a small bout of cold, or just perspiring sometimes. She is paralyzed with anxiety over these small bodily changes and seeks constant reassurance from us and her family about her nagging feeling of something being seriously wrong with her. She is not convinced with our reassurances and seeks medical help for each small perceived illness. And that is not enough either. She does'nt believe that one single medicine or course of treatment or doctor can cure her. She seeks help from various doctors and local healers and changes medicines often and then becomes anxious about if she should have stuck to one treatment from the start! She needs reasons about why the boil or flu started in the first place.

It drives me mad to be around her during her bouts of illnesses. Her house is filled with medicines for all sorts of anticipatory illnesses. She sometimes self-evaluates her illness and reads up books and surfs the net about what it is that ails her. It is not only hard for her, but also for people around her, especially her family. They tell her it is nothing, just a boil. But then, what if this boil is a "manifestation of something serious within the body"? I cannot help but think what is it that drives an individual into such a deep well of anxiety. And then it hits me- it is a case of hypochondriasis. I read about it from this link here. This helps me make up my mind somewhat more about her being a hypochondriac.

It is such a sensitive issue. Any illness is, but those related to the mind are more so. There is a stigma attached to mental illnesses. No one wants to accept that a psychiatrist is the one they should be seeking help from, not a physician or any other doctor. And as a well-wisher, it is impossible to let the person in denial suffer through this hell for the rest of their lives. It is treading on a thin rope to be the one to tell them that it is not anything physical, but related to the mind without implying that he/she is "mad".

I feel a lot for people who are otherwise healthy but are trapped within themselves. How do we free them?

Giving

It is the joy of giving week. There was a report in the newspaper about how an aged spinster donated her big bungalow to an orphanage. I thought this lady must have had a big humanitarian heart to be able to give what she had and, probably, did not need. But, other than the lady, how big are our hearts? Leave aside giving something which is dear to us, are we big enough to give at least that which we don’t need?

Long time ago, in our country, there were brahmacharis, who would come asking for bhiksha on the doorsteps of other people. Their dharma suggested that they couldn’t demand, but humbly accept what was given to them. They could go to a few houses each day and ask for anna bhiksha. And people considered it a blessing to be able to give to these brahmacharis. At certain times when there would hardly be enough for the family, the lady of the house would never return a brahman empty handed when she heard “bhavati bhikshan dehi” and would share with him what little they had.

But that was a long time ago. Then it was even safe to leave your doors unlocked when you were not at home. Thefts were rare. Morality prevented people from even considering wronging others. There were not so many conmen then. People were genuine. Those were golden times.

Now is a different story. Gold prices have hit the roof. And desperate college students who need to meet their daily expenses have resorted to chain snatching and, sometimes, tear away the ear of an unaware passerby for some money worth gold ear rings, never mind the pain inflicted by the act or the life-long permanent disfigurement faced by the subject.

Looting is a common thing today. People bring certificates saying they are blind and ask for money for their eye operation. And when you try to help them, they attack you with their aides and loot you. So, now you have to beware such people. But how do you distinguish between people who genuinely need help and those that are conmen? You can’t! That’s why we have become sceptics and prefer not to help anyone. The times are bad!

And somehow, these changing times have changed our hearts too. It has given people free-wheeling to operate their selfishness. It is reason enough to say, “I don’t wan’t to give to anyone who comes by my doorstep! They are all cheats!” Even if you do help and give money or clothes to those who come asking for it, you are ridiculed and made guilty all your life for your ‘foolishness’. Who knows, they could be cheating all people with their lies! And you have fallen for it too. Stupid you!

But, is it right to let our miserliness take free reins? I sometimes feel small when I turn away a dumb and deaf child who comes asking for money to pay his school fees. He did not ask for 10,000 rupees, just whatever little I could contribute. What if I am being taken for a ride?

My grandma suffered from dementia. It was a difficult time to see this degenerative disease take her away from herself, and finally from all of us. It was a hard time for all of us. It was quite emotional, and sometimes emotions make you do things you never thought you would ever do. So, when you see an old woman on the road who seems to have lost her way, it doesn’t need logic to help her home. It just makes you think, it could be your grandma. Maybe, you will donate money to certain dementia care centres.

You don’t need such tragedies to be generous. Thank god for many philanthropists, the world is a better place. The world is still not void of good people. We must feel grateful for what we have- health, family, food, and security. Sometimes, we just need a heart.

Fair and lovely, dark and handsome

I have always been subjected to the "fair is lovely" sentiment either directly or indirectly from the time I could distinguish between fair and dark. I am considerably brown and my brother takes after my mom and is quite light in colour in comparison. In my family, my parents have never treated us differently, which is how ideally every family should be. But, since I started going to school and also meeting "certain elders" in family functions, I was made keenly aware that my brother was considered prettier than me!

I remember asking my mom at home if I was ugly. I also used to ask my aunts and uncles if they thought my brother was better looking compared to me. Of course, nobody was cruel to me that way, and they always showered equal love on us both. My mother always reassured me that I was very beautiful, as was my brother.

We Indians (and many other Asians) are coloured people. And for reasons unknown to me, most of us chase after fair skin! It is especially important for girls to be fair in our society. A new born baby is immediately judged by its skin colour. The fairer the child, the "cuter" it is. And even before a child can begin to form his own opinions and thinking, these prejudices get etched deep within, sometimes scarring the child. At the time when a child should not be worried about playing in the sun "or he will get darker", he starts to think that his worth is determined by his looks. Of course, it is definitely advantageous to be good looking as researched by many cosmetics companies (cosmetics industry is a multi-billion dollar business). But is it really essential to be fair to be beautiful?

Such stereotyping is actually quite surprising to me. We are naturally brown skinned. We breed brown-skinned children. But a majority of us still consider a brown child just average in looks and gets average attention from its family. People wouldn't look twice at it, because it is not any different. Even parents who are brown and fair each, prefer to have a child who is fair and the mother drinks kesar milk in pregnancy so that the child becomes fair in colour (impossible scientifically, unless it is in the genes).

This obsession persists throughout Asia. But, in the West, people go to great lengths to get a tan. A tan is fine, but not a brown or a black skin. I am sure it is not true with all people universally. But a majority foster such sentiments. This unexplained dislike to even "hate" makes a dent in an individual's self-confidence, unless his confidence is armoured. My friends actually asked me how is it that my sister's child is actually so fair but my sister isn't, with such bewilderment! How is it OK to be impertinent and hurt somebody's feelings, than be a nice individual, whether brown or white?

My mom used to tell me that it is not important what your skin colour is, neither is it important to be good looking. What matters is to be good natured, presentable, self-confident, and hard-working. And people will love you for what you are and not how you look. But all said and done, I think brown skin is no less beautiful than white skin. Cosmetic beauty is skin deep, but true beauty isn't. I will definitely teach my child what my mom taught me.

(picture source : the desi mag)

I am coming home!

It is time to go back home. And I can't stop myself from reminiscing about my stay here. I loved staying in Malaysia very much. I had a wonderful, relaxed, laid back time here. It was a sort of a long awaited vacation for me.

This country is so unique in its own ways. It has mostly 2 weathers- summer and rainy.

Its predominantly a Muslim country, but with almost equal population of Chinese and Indians settled here over a long time. I tried out Nasi Lemak, known as the national dish. Rojak, Cendol and Nyonya Laksa Mee were also awesome. The clay-pot cooking style is very unique. The food is slightly roasted at the bottom of the small clay pots and cooked wonderfully above. I became fast friends with a Chinese family here. They helped me to try out various Chinese cuisines. I looooouvvveeed Chinese food! (And we laughed about how Chinese food in India is actually Indian food and not Chinese! Ha ha!) I also got to eat some tropical fruits I had never heard of- Dragon Fruit, Durian, Rambutan, Longan, Mangosteen, Cempeda, etc. I loved all of them, especially Mangosteen!

Food was the top-most thought in my mind. So, now that I am over it, I also admired how the city I lived in (most parts) was squeaky clean. Mostly everyone stands in a queue in a bus stop, in a traffic signal or in KFC. People are polite and funny. (I found their sense of humor weird but funny!) There are so many shopping malls here. One can never get bored of window shopping (or real shopping, if you don't mind spending), and must I remind that its a good exercise?

There are quite a few lovely locales to visit in Malaysia. Kuala Lumpur is a busy place and has some important monuments to see. I lived around 30-40 kms away in a much quieter city, Shah Alam. I posted some pictures of my trip to Langkawi and Penang in this post. Penang is a lovely place for food lovers. And the transport within the city is very convenient because of the abundant local buses. Langkawi has so many gorgeous beaches! I also visited a cooler place called Genting Highlands, which mainly has theme park and a casino, and pleasant weather.

This picture was taken when my husband visited Cameroon Highlands. Here, he and friends actually picked Strawberries from the farm for a small amount; dewy, farm-fresh Strawberries! Also, the vegetables here are so so fresh! I did not get to go there :(.

I could not visit the other places like Terengganu and Melaka due to shortage of time.

Well, since I did not own a car here, I had to depend on cabs a lot. Some cabbies can be deceitful, finding ways to charge you extra. (So, beware. Always, climb in a cab that has a meter, and always carry change with you! It would be helpful if you learned Malay.)

Coming from another country (India), I also found some things strange, like:

• Many motorists wear their wind cheaters the wrong way, with the zipper side back.
• Nobody honks.
• All houses have a safety gate outside the main door, and none have door bells.
• You have to order a drink when you go to a restaurant. None of the restaurants offer you water on their own, or they charge you.
• The government encourages 5 kids per family.
• It is acceptable to eat out almost daily.
• The Muslim women wear swimsuits that cover them from head to toe.
• The locals' English is different from what I am used to. Also they spell certain things their own way- "post"-pos, "monorail"- monorel, "lift"- lif, "section"- seksyen, etc.

Although I am excited about going back home, I surely will miss Malaysia.

I am loving

Drinking strawberry milk straight from the carton.

How important a teacher's role in Sex Education in schools is.

Watching funny cat videos.

Reading blogs about innovative and cool things.

Reading what it takes to be a mommy.

Learning recipes for different fruit mixes (juices).

Listening to Moves Like Jagger

Wondering about Orangutans! So cute!

Reading people's opinion about what it is to be pretty.

Thinking of my not real (?) and "real sun sign".

This lip art!

Ain't these cool?

Did you know (DYK)?

I recently visited Singapore. I loved the country. It is so well organised in all ways. But more about that in another post.

The main thing I liked there was the ZOO! :) I love animals. It is so nice to see them in the natural settings than in an enclosure. This was an open zoo! I loved most of all, the Orangutans! They are just too adorable.

I love these gentle apes. They look so much like us. They are so shy and they would turn away from inquisitive people's cameras (*guilty*). The mom fed the baby and burped it like we humans do! How can you not love them! These Sumatran Orangutans (orange-haired ones) are endangered species.

DYK? The female Orangs wait for 7-8 years after giving birth to a baby (one at a time) to have the next, the longest time for any primate! After 6-7 years, the baby moves away from the mom and lives alone for next 50 years. These are the least social animals.

The Australian outback section consisted of the smallest Kangaroos.

DYK? Most of the mammals stop growing once they reach puberty. But, Kangaroos grow throughout their lives.

I also saw Pumba! Yes, its called the Desert Warthog. This is mostly found in South African forests. It feeds on rhizomes, seeds, fruits, and small animals.

DYK? These animals, especially males, have many warts under their eye. This helps to cushion them against the opposing male's tusk during a head-on collision/fight.

This adorable parrot is called Cockatoo. So majestic, eh? This bird is endangered too. Its hard beak can crush seeds and nuts. Farmers consider this a pest because it raids all the crops and capture it!

DYK? Since, these are quite intelligent, they must often be supplied with things to play, chew and destroy. Otherwise, in captivity, the bird resorts to plucking its own plumage out of boredom!

These Zebras were not anything extraordinary. I like their stripes though.

DYK? The stripes on the Zebras are not just for beautification; they are striped all which way. This is to confuse the hunting animal when they run in herds, giving the hunter a dizzying spell!

In another section I saw pigmy Hippos (10 of these make a large Hippopotamus). These were swimming in the water so fast. They almost looked like big fat elegant fishes.

DYK? The Hippos do not have sweat glands. So, they stay in the water during the day to keep cool. Their skin produces mucus, which acts like a natural sunscreen. They wade out of the pool in the evening to forage for food.

Baboons are interesting to watch. They generally travel in troops. They sort of have "family meetings." These have red bums, which help them attract partners. Presenting the swollen bum is a submissive gesture for mating in both males and females.

DYK? The troop mostly consists of females and babies. The head of the troop also being a female. The males come and go as they please. The young male monkey leaves the troop before maturity. But the female stays on even after maturity. Talk about female bonding!

Komodo dragons are giant lizards, largest lizards on Earth. They are mainly found in Indonesian islands.

DYK? These lizards can swim quite well. They swim to find their favorite food from one island to another or to find a mate. These were found accidentally when a pilot crashed into the Komodo sea and swam to the Komodo Island around 1912.

The graceful Giraffe was thought to be a mix between a Camel and a Leopard by ancient Greeks and Romans. So, its genus name is Camelopardalis.

DYK? The Giraffe can suffer a heart attack if it is run for too long, as it generally has high blood pressure.

I captured a few more pictures with no intention of excelling at photography, but just to serve as a memory of the trip. I think I saw a flying squirrel. I am not sure though. What do you think?

Ohh and look at this bad boy! So neon!

I get so excited about learning these interesting facts about animals. Let us share more fun facts!

I put a spell on you

Screamin Jay Hawkins was such a performer! This song is so hilarious yet so forward for the times in which it was made! The video was performed with taboo themes for the time.

Many other singers have tried to make it their own. I like Nina Simone's version of the song too. So beautiful. Love this song.

"Fast" food

I am in this crazy mood of laziness these days. I haven't even been trying to write blogs. I have been feeling so lazy that I would rather starve than make an effort to cook something and eat! Umm, not starve exactly, but I would eat fruits or crackers or anything, but cook! Well, while shopping for groceries a week ago, I happened to notice (I was oblivious to it previously) the various sauces in the sauce counters.

I have become a fan of Chinese food lately, as you might have noticed from an earlier blog of mine. A friend introduced me to oyster sauce, chilli sauce, soya sauce, etc, she uses to cook her kind (Chinese) of vegetables and curries. Oh what a God-send she is! I can't thank her enough for saving me (hahaha)!

I generally wait till my hunger pangs become too intense to ignore before I start searching for food. And then I go to my kitchen and I think "Oh, cooking that is going to take at least a half hour more! I cannot wait," and eat an apple, or a pear or something. So, now all I do is, have my rice ready and the rest is super fast, tasty and healthy! Behold, I am sharing my "fast" food recipe now.

This is all I do, and I can do, when I am at the point of going "FOOODDD!"

Garlic is always good to have. In a pan, add a little cooking oil, some smashed garlic and some chopped red chillies. And as per my mood at that moment, I decide what sauce (oyster, chilli or soya) I want to add! (Fancy me!) Fry for a few minutes and then add any green leafy vegetable (Pak choy, Choy sum, Kailan or even Brocolli, French Beans or whatever you have) and then stir fry till the vegetable is slightly cooked, but crispy.

Ta..daa.. its ready! Serve with rice and eat away.

Hope you find this easy recipe useful!

Golden music

I love some of the "classic" music. And I was in the mood to re-listen to a few of the olden goldies, my all time favorites!

This is probably one of my favorite songs of all times. So soothing and relaxing. Something, I would probably listen to before going to bed.

I love these fun numbers by Connie Francis. I feel "Lipstick on your collar" is one of the evergreen songs that won't go out of fashion. My grand children will probably enjoy this song in their time (I hope!).

"Itsy bitsy teeny weeny" is like a cute childhood kind of song!

Michael Buble has sung "Dream a little dream of me". I love the song. It reminds me of the war time, sort of. These songs have beautiful words. I love them!

NEED

I just changed houses. Though I love to travel and see new places, I always dread the moving and the work involved in the process. Stuff somehow gets accumulated even when you are very careful to avoid it.

We stayed at the old place for hardly a year. Still, I had to throw out stuff. Though, when I was buying things for the house, I thought, I "NEED" it. So, I am buying it. But when I have to move, it seems not worth the trouble. Hmm! (The word "NEED," like "LOVE," is used very inappropriately most of the times, I feel.)

And when its time to move into the new house and sort things out, everything seems very inconvenient. I cannot imagine having no cabinets/shelves to keep vessels in the kitchen or a rack for toothbrush in the bathroom! This house is a temporary arrangement till we move back to India in a month. So, I did not think of convenience much while renting this place, but more of a basic NEED for shelter for a month. It has basic amenities- water, electricity, stove, and fridge. And its a safe place to stay. And I believe its not healthy to eat out daily. Home-cooked food is nutritious and healthy. Thus, I did not opt for a motel or any other place, where I would have to be at the mercy of someone else for food!

Initially, I was very confused about how to chop vegetables. There is no "work table/rack" in the kitchen. It took me 20 seconds to realize, I can chop veggies on the floor! *slaps forehead* This made me wonder- am I spoilt? Am I a snob to be complaining about stupid shelves, when there are homeless people?

To be fair, if I was lady Tarzan, swinging from tree to tree and eating raw, unsalted meat, this would still be a situation to complain about! So, I think the answer is, I am just too acclimatized to a way of life. If I had always lived like a nomad, living out of suitcases would not seem like a confusing chore. (You know, how do I keep stuff and not spend an hour trying to find it, or two trying to arrange it back in order!) I have been very lucky having to not worry about the basic NEEDs of "food, shelter, and clothing."

Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs comes to my mind. The basic physiological NEEDs of breathing, food, water, sex, sleep, homeostasis, and excretion have to fulfilled first for man to move on to feeling safe. Security of body, job, resources, family, morality, health, and property come next. When these NEEDs are fulfilled, we move on to the NEED to belong or love. This includes, family, friends, and sexual intimacy. After this comes the esteem NEED. This includes our NEED to have adequate self esteem, respect for oneself and others, confidence, and achievement. Later on we feel the NEED to learn more and acquire more knowledge. Next is the NEED for aesthetics, pleasant surroundings, looking good, and feeling good. Then after a person has all these rungs fulfilled, he is secure enough to think about self-actualization. Here, one fulfills his NEEDs for morality, creativity, idealism, spirituality, and conscious and subconscious efforts to meet the psychological NEEDs. After all this, comes transcendence.

Genius Maslow!

I guess we all fight change, because change is inconvenient and unfamiliar. But it is something that cannot be avoided. When we are open-minded and consider all changes as experiences for us to grow more, we become diamonds, tempered from rocks under extreme conditions.

When our most basic NEEDs are challenged, it gives us a chance to re-evaluate ourselves and be appreciative of what we have. No wonder, a poor man who has been hungry for days, is willing to cast his vote to any "party" that provides him 1 simple meal.

Kannada for anyone?

This is one of the most debated topics in my city, Bangalore. Bangalore is a cosmopolitan city. We have Tamilians, Gujrathis, Marwadis, Malyalis, Bengalis, Nepalese, Chinese, Africans etc, in the city, that too in large numbers. Many of these people are my close friends.

For a modern day city-born-and-brought-up person, language is not at all a barrier. Mostly everyone speaks in English these days. And Hindi is our national language. We are exposed to a lot of Hindi serials and movies and have lots of Hindi-speaking friends. So, most of us know Hindi. Some may not be excellent in conversing in Hindi, but almost everyone understands Hindi. Some can even speak in other regional languages.

Definitely good has come out of this. We are generally pleasant people. We are happy to join in all celebrations, Indian or Western, from Ugadi to Halloween. We are amicable and reply to a query in any language in the same language, if possible. If not, of course, we know English/Hindi. So, all happy?

But my concern is - is Kannada slowly becoming obsolete? Kannada definitely is endangered.

Some of my friends from other states or countries have practically lived all their life in Bangalore and have not learnt or even attempted to learn Kannada ever. Admittedly, some have picked it up excellently and speak as well as I do. The general contention ranges from "I need not bother. Almost everyone around me speaks in Hindi or English, which I know. So, why should I?" to "Will you try to learn language X if you stay in my city? Then why ask me!"

This holds true for the younger generation of Kannadigas too. Parents are teaching their kids English first so that they can survive and succeed anywhere in the world. Kids should know "nose," "ears," "eyes," "mummy", "daddy," etc, instead of moogu, kivi, kaNNu, amma, appa, etc, respectively, to get admission in pre-nursery. People avoid Kannada medium schools because the opportunities afterwards are limiting and the standard of a majority of teachers is not so great; they hardly deliver the goods (might need another post for this). The English medium schools insist upon students speaking in English, and Kannada is generally the 2nd or the 3rd language. This is the cause for the dilution of the language (I do not have a single BA/MA Kannada friend.) I wonder how many of us (my generation and further city breds) can read a Kannada newspaper as fluently as in English or write a grammatically error-free page in Kannada!

I remember being totally shocked when I changed school from an urban to a rural government school. My Kannada was considerably poor compared to the kids there. And my English being good made me a butt of lot of jokes! I had to take up Kannada as the 1st language as there were no other options available in the school. This is when I began appreciating Kannada, its literature, with all the subtle nuances. It is a beautiful, deep language. I did not pursue it later on, for I found it hard for scoring in exams.

As per my knowledge, a lot of Kannadigas are from the rural towns of Karnataka and are still learning in government schools and colleges. Science, Social Science, Maths and even English is taught in Kannada here. This is where the actual essence of Karnataka is. The culture, traditions and language are pretty well conserved in these parts. Their eloquence is something else. Many people from here are migrating to Bangalore and other cities in different states seeking higher education, jobs, etc. These people end up in the big crowd too. But, some people do not and are happy with the life that they know of. Bad of this is, living in a box. Of course, there are many families who are presently somewhere in between these 2 ends.

There are many Kannada fanatics, as is the case with any language. I have seen a few Kannadigas get aggressive when, especially, a North Indian, living in Bangalore for a long time, refuses to learn Kannada. I understand it can be a tad bit difficult to learn a new language. And, since bartering with a shop keeper or an auto driver can be done in Hindi/English, it might seem like taking up unnecessary trouble to learn another language.

Though I am well conversant in Kannada, I am guilty of not being to able to read it as fluently as English. As a result, I prefer an English newspaper, novel, study material, etc. There are many who love to watch Kannada movies (including my father and my younger brother), but I pass. I cannot relate to the modern slew of Kannada films (because of exposure to cosmopolitan culture?) I prefer some of the old Kannada movies.

As far as the question, whether I would try and learn a new language if I were in some other state, I love languages. So, I would definitely give it a try. I am regretful that I cannot speak many Indian languages. I can speak only for myself. I am in Malaysia since 4-5 months. I can count to ten in BM and understand a few words. I have a BM to English dictionary, mainly to read signs on the road, the post box, or on a shop and because learning a new language is interesting.

About the outsiders in Bangalore/Karnataka not learning Kannada, I can only say that each person has a freedom to live their life as they seem fit. But, I do admit I feel quite contrite at my maid, who is originally not from Bangalore, but has lived most of her adult life here (she is middle aged), converses with everybody (her family, friends, neighbors, and people for whom she works) in her mother tongue. I can hardly understand anything she says. Conversation with her is a mind-boggling, complex task. "Why should I?" she asks. This is business we are talking about. Isn't this annoying? I now have slowly begun to catch a few words she says! Is it that hard to learn? (Bad of you too Mr. Kannadiga living in Orissa for the last 20 years, if you are like this!)

Well, the least we can do is have our next generation of Kannadigas learn to love this beautiful language and to conserve it. I think this cause is as important as saving the Tigers. It tears my heart to think that our kids probably won't be able to see a live Tiger. So, does it tug at my heart for our kids to live life not knowing or caring to learn Kannada. It will just be another language lost. Kannada and Tigers are cool, you know?

for anyone?

'Workable' situations

Since I began blogging, a whole new world of "free information" has opened to me. Its great to be reading other interesting blogs. I am all for honest opinions and curiously new unique things. It was always like a cul-de-sac in the past when you had to rely on books only for any sort of information. Internet has opened so many avenues. So has this free world of blogging.

Its great to find information about anything at all. I have lately been reading a lot about "self-help". I used to find this topic very preachy in the past. I always thought that the people who have written it must be snobs. I pictured that these people have "achieved success" or "learnt how to turn down unprofitable business proposal politely" or something. But it is funny now, because I realize that if they are saying they will never be sad again or learnt how to be efficient 24/7, they are just advertising! Of course nobody is perfect; we are all striving to be better everyday.

I am very choosy of people with whom I want to associate myself. It is not a big task when it comes to choosing friends. But it is super hard if they come along as your family/relatives or your colleagues (who sit next to you all day)/boss. These people can be a real pain. And being around some of these people can be a real mood buster. No matter what, they cannot be ignored or won't take it lightly if ignored. You have to interact with them on a daily basis.

It is much more difficult to handle family situations. I still don't know what I should be doing in case of a family person being a pain. But much easier are office situations. For example, if you have a whiny colleague, who complains all day about the extra workload, or not being paid the OT money, or being called in on a Sunday, when both of you are in the same situation, it stresses you out even more. You may be trying to be understanding about this situation, but it is not really helping. You might see yourself obsessing about this person now, instead of trying to be done with the dreadful work-

"OMG! Will he stop now?! He is not going to die if he works for an hour extra! He is such a sissy! He does not dare to tell the boss what he is thinking! I wish they are secretly recording what he is saying. He only roars at me! He must actually be a sissy in real life. Oh right! Now I know; that day, he freaked out because he had a flu and he thought it was H1N1! What a wuss!"

This is not only going to not help with the work, but it starts to form a thought process about this colleague, which totally leaps out of professional circle and makes you judgmental of him for wrong reasons! (Although, I agree this can be a de-stressing, amusing, character analysis game: Raju- the H1N1 freak! haha!) We all do this, don't we?

Well, instead of being "Gaahhh! I can't stand to be next to him anymore!" in your mind, you can say things like- "Yeah! I know! I am not getting paid for extra work either. So, stop wasting my time. I really want to be done with this fast and be home! " If you can say this, I admire you. Open and proper communication is a damn good asset!

But, I know the world is a hard place for polite/meek people. For those of you who seem to be hyperventilating each time the colleague opens his mouth, but cant seem to do anything about it, you can try these-

1. Take deep breaths and count to 10 or 20 or 30.... however long it takes for you to focus (or in this case, lose focus of him).
2. If you are good at faking expressions, have a "bored" expression to feign disinterest.
3. If this person does not care if you are bored and still goes on, do not respond.
4. (This one is utterly confusing!) Think of the good things about this person. It will kind of help you to not feel "arrrgggh!", but "woooww" (Raju was hilarious in that meeting. Man you should have seen the boss man's face!). And this can distract your brain too. It is like tricking your brain into liking this person!

Devious? Yes! Still, if all the above do not work, you can definitely try this tried and tested approach:

"I know how you feel! Let's finish this work fast and then talk about this in leisure."

The assurance of a "whine time" makes the person leave you alone. I bet once the work is done, the colleague will be as happy to be home early as you. You do not have to go back to this session.

Life would be so much easier if we had delete and replay button in it. We could delete stuff we did not like and replay all the things that make us feel better. But since that is clearly not the case, lets make most of what we have.

Contention of contentment

Its raining outside.

Rains always make me contemplative. I was contemplating about contentment today.

I know a few very successful people. They seem to have everything in their lives. I know success is subjective. But take your pick from the following. They are creative geniuses, quirky, dorky, fun, entertaining, adventurous, fire brand, ever enthusiastic, own a lot of media space online in all fields, volunteering for non-profit, have already been around the world at least once, have friends from all countries all over the world, and last but not least, they are still finding numerous new things to do, always! Did I say they are also earning lots and happy with their jobs?

Well, I am envious! I have to be a saint to not be. I want to be successful (love, career, money, creative outlet, spirituality, travel, etc, in approximately that order for me) too. And, when I have all that, I want luxury for the rest of my life. I guess, according to the vedas (the 4 ashramas), at this point in life , I can be materialistic (to a point) if I want.

Note: We are just too greedy to be happy with what we have (which according to some others is quite enough!) And, unfortunately, even enough is not enough till some later point in life and after much realization.

I admit, nothing is impossible if you put your mind to it. Also, shooting for the moon is theoretical, but not practical.

So, I was thinking, what does contentment feel like? It is said that contentment comes with experience. When you have seen and done all, you have had enough. You are content. That is when you seek sanctuary in not just soul searching, but also try to seek the ultimate truth. I wish there was a shortcut to contentment. Or maybe that's the whole point. There is no shortcut.

I don't know what the ultimate truth is (I have my doubts). For today, I am just contemplating.

Law of attraction

Sometimes,

It is hard not to stop worrying about things.
It is hard not to feel hopeless.
It is lonely.
It is just unbearable.
It feels like things will never get better.
It feels like there is no other solution.
It seems that the glass is always half empty.
It seems like there is never enough.
It seems no goal is reachable.
It feels like there are no goals.

Instead of feeling absolute despair, why not dearly wish (desire) for something better than wallow in negativity? According to the “Universal Law of Attraction”- like attracts like, what goes around comes around and positive thinking attracts positive things (and vice versa). Our desire attracts things to us. And supposedly our thoughts and feelings manifest into physical matter. Transformation of brain energy into any energy is possible.

And feelings have mass! Like, for example, you see the beautiful Lamborghini and desire it. You start making plans of buying it. You begin to see yourself driving it. And the thoughts bring you happiness. And the happiness makes you feel a deep sense of gratitude for receiving the car. All you have to do is just believe that you will get the car and you deserve it! Cool huh!

So, the more number of people feeling the same thoughts at a given time have higher probability of attracting the thing that they all desire in common!

Well, it is true. I have experienced this (not with a Lamborghini, of course!). I really wanted my dream job offer (and other things). That’s what I got, “ my dream job offer”. But, turns out, you have to be really specific in desiring.

I want my dream job offer and I should take it up!

Ironic eh?

Have you had any such experiences?

Social Network

I have a lot of good friends in my lives. I like being able to laugh at funny things with them. I like being able to just share thoughts, feelings and time with them. But it has not been that easy always.

I have moved school too often. You know how it goes. Parents are in a transferable job and we keep moving house every few years (I was luckier than others, who moved more often). This made it super difficult to make and keep friends in early years. This makes you mentally insulate yourself from the possibility of getting close to anyone and then going away. Of course, my parents loved to socialize and my brother and I were never left out. I in fact loved to hang out with family friends (my parents’ friends and their kids) and became more close to them. I made many friends in my college days and later on, when I finally stopped moving.

I tried to keep the memories intact. But, as can be expected, with time the memories were hazy, like smoke, and it took a lot of effort to hold on to them; I let them go. Since being able to reconnect to everyone through social networking sites, I have tried to connect myself again to the people from my earlier life. I feel bad to have missed out on possible potential friends. I vaguely remember faces and some small details about a very few people. I can see my then good friends (at age 14) are now a happy couple and have a wonderful family! What happened to the years in between? I am happy for them. Yet it is frustrating as I am not able to relate to them now at all.

It sometimes happens that I recognize a person, but have nothing to say to them. Yes, we are totally different now from then. But if you do not accept their “friend request” there is a mild possibility that I maybe termed a snob or an ungrateful person. But if you do accept, you have nothing to say! Sometimes a childish memory (a 12-yr old face) comes back about how a certain someone was a bully then, and I am immediately wary of talking to them now! Immature? Yes! Oh! I bet there are many who would not want to talk to me now, because then I had (maybe) a bad handwriting or something!

What’s more frustrating is few (well-meaning) people, who make the effort to reconnect, expect me to catch up suddenly - who married who, who studied what, who lives where, who has become a rogue, who turned out well, etc! I should be in the know of these things. Everyone knows this stuff! And well when you are at a loss of words and don’t show the expected reaction, you are immediately left out again. The feeling this generates might be that I am not interested, don’t care, or unsocial. Sigh! Connecting 2 different universes (mine and theirs) is not an easy task!

I am all for social networking. It is a good forum for catching up, for sharing favorites, for expressing creative ideas, for letting people know what you are up to, basically connecting. I wouldn’t have been able to know that the other universe still exists, if not for these sites. So, “Hurrah!” for social networking!

Avocado chapathis

So what's for dinner tonight?

Cooking is always interesting as well as challenging (want to try out new things often) for me. But I lose enthusiasm very quickly with elaborate cooking methods and recipes that require slogging for hours in the kitchen. Despite what people might say, I say its not worth it, even if it tastes like heaven! Cooking should be fun and enjoyable too, I think.

I like variety and get bored very easily. Since a few days, I have been making rotis/chapathis for dinner. I was really bored of rice dishes. I was going through some brilliant food recipes website for inspiration. Lo and behold! I found Tofu chapathis!

And well, guess what! I ended up making Avocado chapathis. (This maybe new only to me! *blush*)

What you need-

Atta (wheat flour)
Milk (optional)
1 Avocado
Salt
and a few vessels

What to do-

This is similar to making rotis/chapathis. Add the avocado pulp (feels nice to pulp it with your hands), salt and flour in a round bowl. I used milk to knead the dough to get a soft consistency. You can use water if you like. Then as usual make chapathis out of it using rolling pin. Bake it on a heated pan with very little oil. Voila! Avocado chapathis ready. No major change in taste or look. But, well it is so simple, so soft and gets ready in minutes.



I made Daal makhani (thick, spicy lentil soup with butter) to go with it. You may like palak paneer, kurma, chole, bhindi masala, etc, to go with it.

I think making chapathis using that fully ripe banana or mango (which is horrible to eat) in the same way should be given a try. It might taste a little funnily sweet. Of course, you can always improvise upon this recipe by adding spices [like jeera (cumin), coriander seeds/powder etc], chilli powder/ green chillies, onion, garlic, etc and making it a wholesome parartha.

Beware: Avocado chapathis and Daal makhani is a dangerously fattening but deliciously mouth-watering combination!

Yogasanas

I have already spoken about the benefits I saw with Yoga in my previous post. Yoga is an ancient form of exercise practiced by saints and commoners in ancient India. Yoga sutras were given by sage Patanjali. And Patanjali is regarded as the founder of the Yoga philosophy.

The Ashtanga Yoga is the practical Yoga taught today and is also based on the concepts from Patanjali’s philosophy.

Yoga is used to treat many illnesses and disorders to name a few like:

asthma, arthritis, back pain, constipation, diabetes, drug addiction, dysmenorrhoea, headache, heart diseases, hernia, hyperacidity, hypertension, hyperthyroidism, hypothyroidism, insomnia, memory, menstrual disorder, migraine, obesity, pile (haemorrhoids), slipped disc, sexual disorder, sinusitis, spondylitis, stress, tonsillitis, and varicose veins

.

Yoga can be practiced regularly with proper breathing (generally bending backwards requires one to inhale and bending forward, exhale) and correct postures (so as to avoid sprains, etc). As I have said earlier, the Yoga master’s/instuctor’s words are to be followed in case of Yoga for treatment for the above disorders. Also, some of these exercises should not be practiced during pregnancy. I would suggest it is better to go to a class the first few days to know the techniques. Later on, you can practice it at home safely.

What do you need to practice Yoga?

1. An area to practice, with open space, preferably outside the house, on the terrace, or even a room with doors and windows open for air circulation.
2. A Yoga mat or any mat, something that doesn’t slip on the floor.
3. Comfortably fitted clothes, which allows for stretching and should not come in the way (shorts and t-shirts are the best).
4. No shoes; its best done bare feet.

I do some stretches for warming up and loosening the body before I do any asanas (postures). My favorite asana is Surya Namaskara or the Sun Salutation. It is believed that 10 rounds of Surya Namaskaras a day are enough to keep you agile, relaxed and wanting for more. Of course, people who have been practicing Yoga for long, think that 10 is too less. It is best to increase the number gradually. This I can vouch for and I rarely attempt other asanas to avoid injury.

Surya Namaskara

This is the salutation to the sun, which is the source of vitality and energy. This involves practicing 12 postures (1 round) with alternate inhalation and exhalation in a fluid movement without jerking and over exerting. In each round, the first posture (Tadasana) is accompanied by chanting a mantra to invoke the Sun God’s blessing. This is best done early morning during sun rise or in the evening during sunset. But if that is not possible this can be done any time, when the stomach is not full. It is advised to face East or North (face the sun) when doing this. Follow the video.



There are many variations when it comes to this. I like this video, mainly for the soothing music. This video demonstrates the various postures, along with names of the postures.



Health benefits

From practicing Surya Namaskaras daily, we obtain a complete body work out. It works all the joints in the body. It regulates blood circulation, respiration, strengthens the wrists, elbows, spine and other joints, improves digestion, stimulates the nerves, relieves tensions in the neck and shoulders, and tones the abdomen, back, legs, arms and chest. It regulates the functioning of the various glands like- adrenal, pituitary, thyroid, parathyroid,etc.

Yoga

I have always been quite lazy when it comes to exercises. I am still in the look out for the custom-made workout routine for me, something that doesn't bore me and something that I will look forward to doing every time rather than in spurts. I have tried different things that are light and engaging like in here

A friend of mine, kept reminding me of Yoga for feeling better and for weight loss. I was procrastinating. Many years ago, I had taken up Yoga classes. So, one day I was just like, why not try? I started doing some stretching and a few exercises again watching videos on the internet along with remembering things I had been taught. I am immediately re-addicted to it. It has so much goodness to it. I can't wait to get up to do it early morning everyday. Why did I ever stop in the first place?!


I used to go regularly at 5.30 in the morning everyday and do Pranayama (breathing exercises) and asanas (exercises and postures). I was always a believer in the positivity of Yoga, but I turned into a follower after attending these classes.

My yoga master would teach us so many things and talk about what health benefits can be obtained from each posture. It was light and also rigorous. It used to be slow and rhythmic. It was testing your capacity to literally stretch yourself! It was addictive and would give a heady rush of energy. In fact, it would keep me on my toes all day and I used to look forward to going to the classes again next day.

Some immediate improvements I noticed after a month or 2 (I continued for maybe another few months after this and stopped) of this routine were:

1. Mindful eating: It definitely made me think twice about stuffing my mouth with junk food. I would be mindful in a good way, not obsessed about food/diet, like noticing the "eating pause" and stopping, eating little mouthfuls, and always listening to my stomach, not brain.

2. Lightness: I know it is impossible to suddenly lose kilos of weight. No, this is the feeling of lightness. I was light on my feet (some said bouncy). My joints were much more flexible. I could bend in weird ways (truly)! It is a beautiful feeling.

3. Appetite: My appetite reduced a lot. As I said, I would think before eating, which is a good thing. I would prefer to eat light foods rather than fried, heavy ones and eating lots.

4. Energy: I had an increased level of energy. I would be willing to walk to places close by rather than take my bike. I would be mindful of sitting idle for too long. I would just bounce up and run chores and errands than sit in a place for too long.

5. Toning: Yes, I got a lot more toned. It looked like I had lost weight. The number on the scale did not show much difference immediately, but I could feel myself fitting better into clothes. And I could finally see that I had some muscle, not a lot though. (Weight loss occurred slowly after many months of stopping the exercises! )

Yoga is a superior form of exercise, which gives balance, fluidity and energizes the chakras in the body. It is extremely helpful for a peaceful and relaxed mind. It de-stresses the body and mind by releasing endorphins. It makes one mindful of their own body and take care of it. And the best part of it is you get toned, your stamina increases and affects your over all well being. It is a good and safe method to lose weight too for people with weight issues. But then weight is just an insignificant little detail when you see so many other positive benefits from yoga.

It is always best to follow the instructions of the Yoga master/instructor so as to avoid injuries and in case of other health problems.

Yoga definitely is a form worth trying.

Look out next for my few favorite exercises in yoga. Please bear in mind, I am a novice. Not at all an expert. I maybe wrong technically. I am just sharing my personal experience here.

The English Patient

I watched The English Patient (1996). It is such a beautifully made movie by director Anthony Minghella. It is a story made from the novel of the same name by Michael Ondaatje.

The movie is the story of a Hungarian Count, Almasy (Ralph Fiennes, wonderful Voldemort!), who is cared for by American allies during the World War II. I can't actually remember too much of who and what happened in the real war. In this movie, Almasy is an archaeologist and is on an expedition in Egypt and Libya. He has an affair with a married English woman. The story reveals his anguish, hurt and pain due to the course of events that unfold in his life as a result of it. Juliette Binnoche, Kristin Scott Thomas, Colin Firth and William Dafoe are the other actors.

Well, I am a sucker for romantic dramas. But, this post is mainly for my love of music. I especially liked this Hungarian folk song, which is played so many times in the movie. It is hauntingly beautiful!



Sometimes, music seems so meaningful without even understanding the words. As someone said "you don't need words for the music; you just need a soul". Sometimes it appeals to us because of our pathos when we listened to the song for the first time. But, somehow, I have a feeling that regardless of the movie, I would have still loved this song, if I ever came across it. I can find the words and meaning of the song. But, I do not want to. I would leave it as it is. So beautiful!

Try it today

I just had mushroom soup for breakfast. Hmm.. I probably will have Gulab Jamoon (sweet) for lunch!

I have always wanted to rebel the regular items on the menu for 3 meals of a typical day. Yeah, it is advised to stick to the menu for a healthy lifestyle. Dosa and Idli (made out of fermented dough/batter), Rotti (sort of like pancakes, but different), etc, for breakfast and Anna (rice) Sambar/Rasam/Daal (curry), etc, with subzi (vegetable side dish) for lunch and dinner. Seriously, what can happen if you eat Biryani for breakfast and Idli for dinner? I always wanted to know.

Well, fortunately/unfortunately, I can report nothing untoward. It just feels like I had mushroom soup for breakfast. It is a rather nice feeling, to be able to eat what you want when you want it.

I might not carry this on forever. I like my routine. But, once in a while, it is fun to break your own rules. *wink*

I always wanted to try on a skirt (I don’t consider myself a skirt person). What can happen at the most? I might not like me in it and might not want to wear it again. Well, that’s a small price for trying out what you always wanted to do!

Have you been thinking of going for the shaved-head look (men/woman)? May be not so radical, but short hair (women), long hair (men), or coloured hair (men/women)? Do you think you can carry it off? What about that course you have been thinking of taking up forever? Have you ever thought of joining salsa/ tango, etc, but been shy of it? Have you been intrigued by sculpted bodies, but always found excuses to avoid joining a gym/yoga/aerobics/etc? Have you wanted to wear mehendi (henna) on your hands? Boys, ever wanted to try some (light) makeup?

Have you ever thought of challenging yourself? Try it today. It might be fulfilling to not hold yourself back and give in just this once!